Evening

Fall is upon us and it brings, at least to me a time for reflection. After all these years I still miss the fuck out of Larry. I think of him at the oddest times and I seem to have forgotten all the bad stuff and just remember the good.....dam powerful memorey filters I am thinking. RIP my friend....you we're loved.

Spring

Larry loved the spring and warmer weather. It meant time for camping trips, hiking and the Kawi came out to play. We took a lot of road trips on that bike. The longest was from Ct to Nova Scotia. It was a long time on a cycle...but great memories. Greasy spoons for lunch and a "sit down" place for dinner. Camped out some and stayed in hotels when it was cold or raining.
We spent a lot of time talking then...plans for the future, about buying our house, me going back to school to finish and get my degree, him starting his own machine shop...he was a tool and die maker. Lots of hang gliding, glad I did it but it scared the hell out of me the first few times. I had a fear of heights but, with a lot of trust he got me to jump off a cliff, I lived and the phobia eventually went away.
Spent my first summer.


A CHANGE OF SUBJECT MATTER

We spent every day together after the day we met. A funny story about that. Some place in the middle of those years we split up, I don't have a clue as to why now, but we did. In his terms "until you come to your senses I am staying here every night, you don't have to talk to me, just know I am here" and he did. Came over at bedtime, unrolled his sleeping bag and went to bed. I would wake up and hear the shower, doze back of and wake up later to a cold cup of coffee on my table.
Whatever change happened and he moved back in and it went well till he died.

I heard my first bike of the season today...dam I still miss him.

Take Care of Youself and The People You Love

Okay...I'm Not Crazy

Evening
If you don't know me and my life this little saga is going to sound nutty. I don't really live with a ghost. This was a man I believe I could have spent the rest of my life with. I still think of him every day and dream about him often.

In my dreams he has aged with me. We are more like brothers than lovers...an old term. Everyone now uses the term partner, makes it sound like a business arrangement. The dreams are less frequent now than they we're a couple years ago. I think with everything that happened that year I sort of lost my need for him. My life is very quiet and sensible these days. But I still miss him.

I know the difference between reality and a dream. I have had 2 relationships since then, one with a woman that gave me a son. His middle name is Larry...she knew the whole story more than any one else and she was good with it. I was with her for 9 years and with Tony for 9 years. Seems to be the magic cut off number for me.

We had a great life together. So much of the man I am now was defined by him. A friend passed away suddenly almost 2 years ago. One of our last lengthy conversations was happening when Tony and I we're winding down. We we're sitting in a park waiting for a theater to open. He looked up and told me it was okay, but he felt mainly sad for Tony. His comment was "He never had a chance, he couldn't compete with Larry's ghost". I was struck speechless, and that rarely happens.

Time to go put up the tree or at least dig all of that stuff out of the attic.

Life is Good
Tale Care Of Yourself And Those You Love
Dale

Meeting

I used to skip school and head into New Haven to hang out. I was in high school with nothing to do, to much time and a lot of curiosity about my world. One on my hang outs was place called The Crown Theater. Yeah it was one of "those" theaters, the one's with the big XXX on the marquis. I was 17, 6ft2, 200 pounds, hair down to my butt and a porn star stache. Lots of testosterone and attitude, covering a complete bewilderment at the world. I came from a seriously broken home, we'll get to that later. I had been going there since I was 15 and got left alone..I growled well in those days. Pissed if no one came onto me but equally pissed/confused if they did. I was sitting there watching a movie when someone put his leg against the back of my seat, got my hair caught and tugged on in. I pulled it loose and went back to my movie. A few minutes later it happened again. Looking behind me I muttered something and pulled my hair loose again. It happened again.
I got up, went to take a leak and moved to a different seat. A few minutes later it happened again. Pissed I got up, turned around and said something to the affect of stop being an asshole or we can take this outside. His reply was "We can do that, but I would much rather go for a ride on my bike, smoke a joint and talk"
We did that. Ans I saw him every single day of my life after that for the next 7 years. I was 17, he was 24. They went by so quickly.

1970

Evening
This is my life. I have spent the last 30 years living with a ghost. He was with me every day, we talked and laughed. He gave me advise and listened to me when no one else would. He was a real person that lost his life in a foolish stupid accident. I loved him, he was the first person to love me, take my faults and let them go.
He taught me how to be a man. How to fight and how to love. To accept responsibility for myself and my actions. How to let go of fear and move past it. He showed me how to experience new things..I was a country boy from way out in the woods. How to drive a standard and how to look people in the eye when I shook their hand. How to look at my anger as just another emotion that I could learn to control.
I am not sure how long I will keep this going. I am finally letting go of him. You will, if you follow this for any length of time, find out what makes me tick. What makes me a good friend and a bad enemy. How sounds and songs trigger memories and how books saved my life.
Coming into the holidays as we are now this might not be the best time to do this , but, WTF....I am alone in this big old house..just me and a bottle of Jack and Tom Rush on the cd player.
Let the story begin................................